How many of you came to marriage with the notion that your new bride was going to meet all your needs and expectations. She would be a gourmet cook in the kitchen, a wizard at keeping the house spotless. She would be a fashion model in the daytime and eye-candy on your arm out in public. She would be a fantastic mother of your children who never expected you to do much with the babies. And, last, but not least, she'd be a tiger in the bedroom every night.
Come on now. Am I right or am I right?
Boy was that a shattered dream. No man ever gets all of that, nor should he. Marriage is about two flawed people coming together to form a third and everlasting culture together. Unless there are two things in play, your marriage will be fraught with perils and disappointments that leave a trail of broken hearts and lives in your wake.
Realistic Expectations - consciously and deliberately forged in dialogue and compromise
Covenant Agreements - unlike a Contract that is a bilateral agreement between two parties about how they will act together where one will keep the agreement so long as they other lives up to his/her end...a Covenant is different. A Covenant is a unilateral commitment to act without condition or predicate.
If you have already bumped up against unrealistic expectations (Emerson Eggerichs calls them "Pre-meditated Resentments) you know that you need some help. We can certainly help you moderate those. Give us a jingle or a note at our contact information below.
The Covenant Agreement is another story. It first changes your focus from WIIFM (What's In It For Me) to a Servant's Heart. How can I serve you best? The best marriages are those where the spoken and unspoken commitment is...I will serve you to the best of my knowledge and ability regardless of whether you respond in kind or not. Unilateral, no matter what.
Fellas, learn what blesses your wife and do it and do it consistently and do it well. Perhaps you'll go to Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages to help you figure that out: *http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
One Final Note
Once you start down THIS road, you will be amazed at how much more your bride is interested in loving you the way you want to be loved. Just keep on doing your part no matter what.
It might start with a simple question like this: "Honey, is there anything I can do for you today?"
Set yourself a realistic goal of doing this for 90 days and then let me know how the results have changed.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!