It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic
than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.
Proverbs 21:9 NLT
Most couples don't understand where things go wrong in their relationship. You know things started out great, but then at some point, the relationship starts turning a dark corner.
First Came Love, And then Comes Potential Disaster...
Remember when your relationship first began (romance stage), you had high hopes that you had found "the one" and you would no longer have to search and search for the perfect soul mate. You reveled in those feelings. Things became comfortable between the two of you. You both relax into the relationship, enough to wear your old sweats and not shower first thing in the morning. You get the idea.
But then, things between you started turning a little sour. You hit some rough patches, with little disagreements and certain "tones of voice" and facial expressions that made you feel separated from each other. You may feel like you can never do or say anything right. You start asking "Who is this person?" "What's happening?" "What are we doing wrong?" You talk yourself into "Well everybody has problems." Guess what? You are right you are not unique. The power struggle stage of your relationship has began.
At this point, you can't help but question,
I thought I had FOUND "the one."
I had no clue I had to BECOME "the one."
Realistically, a relationship does not sustain a constant state of bliss. When two people come together, it is normal to have conflict and tension. Sure, early on your issues usually get resolved and you move forward. Nothing in the world better than being able to say... "I'm mad at you, let's go make up!"
But for some relationships, the tension and conflict becomes near constant. Instead of bliss, you think you have arrived in hell on earth and you don't know where to point the finger of blame other than at each other. This just serves to drive you further apart. Sound like your house from time to time?
It is a common myth in our culture that if you are dealing with conflict you are in the wrong relationship. That is not true. When you are struggling, something new is about to happen between you. Conflict is growth trying to happen. Time to acknowledge your difference and learn new skills of communication and conflict resolution.
What you may not be aware of is the presence of relationship wreckers that have infiltrated your relationship and are working against you. Or, if you are aware, you may not realize how much impact these wreckers can have - until it's too late. Most couples wait to long to get help.
One Final Note
These creepy little wreckers don't just whack you in the face; they sneak up on your relationship without your consciously realizing it. Once you know what they are, you can work on reversing the damage and avoiding them in the future.
Billy & Ruth Graham
The unblemished ideal exists only in "happily ever after" fairy tales. I think that there is some merit to a description I once read of a married couple as "happily incompatible." Ruth likes to say, "If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary." The sooner we accept that as a fact of life, the better we will be able to adjust to each other and enjoy togetherness.
Stay tuned for Relationship Wreckers - Part 2. Y'all come back now ya hear!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!