Healing The Walking Wounded - Part 3 of a Five Part Series
There is hope for those of us who have been wounded in our marriage or from a divorce. The next two Nuggets share how fellow strugglers have found new life, healing, happiness and promise for better days. You can view Parts 1 and 2 here on our website www.24kgoldmarriage.org.
Do you believe the romantic myth? That the marriage "I DOs" is supposed to automatically usher in the "Happily Ever After" marriage. It's funny that women marry thinking their husbands will change, but they don't. Men marry thinking their wives will never change, but they do. Being married and well is all about some tough four-letter words...work, hard work, much hard work, and very much hard work. It is NEVER about WIIFM (what's in it for me), it is always about how can I serve YOU and make this the best time of your life.
The Bishop of Canterbury got it right when he told Prince Charles and Lady Diana...that, in Christ, the adventure was just beginning. Well, if that is so, then we must be honest in letting go of some our cultural myths.
Myths such as:
We (my spouse and I) expect exactly the same things from our marriage
My spouse pleases me all the time
I can't think of anything that would cause me to stop loving my spouse
Romantic love will never disappear from our lives
Everything good in our relationship will only get better
Everything bad in my life will disappear
My spouse will make me whole
I don't have time to tell you just how wrong these are on so many fronts.
Admit you are powerless:
Here's an idea to restore your marriage. Admit that you cannot manage your marriage problems on your own. This means you recognize the ineffectiveness of your attempts to change yours and your spouse's faults and character defects. You come to grips with the reality that you are fundamentally powerless to control or change your spouse and many of the other things that happen in your life. You must come to the place where you are willing to admit that the strategies you have tried have not worked, and that every attempt you make to change or control your spouse is doomed to failure.
And then you are surprised when yelling at each other does not automatically cause your spouse to do what you want done. How silly is that?
9 "We saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for we put everything into the hands of God who alone could save us." 2 Corinthians 1:9
Ask the Holy Spirit right now to help your marriage succeed. As the Holy Spirit enters your life, He works in you to produce a living fellowship between you and Him. Of course, His work also affects the relationships you have with others, particularly your spouse and your children. Here are some of the works of the Holy Spirit that strongly impact your relationships. I'll wait right here until you finish looking all these up:
He gives you power to be Christ-like. Ephesians 3:16
He directs your life on a daily basis. Romans 8:14
He convicts you of sin. John 16:8
He empowers you to fight sin in your life. Galatians 5:15-16
He causes your marriages to glorify Jesus Christ. John 16:14
He produces the "fruit" of the spirit in your life...
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.